Pardon last times effort and confusion. So ignore the heavy internet-epidemic and forums where it was heavily debated - take it from me (the author) - the stars got all mixed up: The Black ones are the actual ratings. White ones are baaaaad.
Karamel Sutra ★★☆☆☆
Key Lime Pie
Lime ice-cream with a tangy lime twist, fluffy meringue swirls & pie crust pieces.
Sound delicious, ey? Well I have no idea but it do sounds delicious so we’ll give it a proper rating just for the sake of good manners.
Milk & Cookies ★★★★☆
Vanilla ice cream with a Chocolate Cookie Swirl and a Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies
By the sound of it you’d think that an intern from JC Penney was hired to write the title. Boring as fuck. Then you read the description and realize that “wow this kid might just got potential”. Next thing you know you’re calling the kid “boss” and need to have permission to use the restroom. Promote with care and consideration, dear friends.
Mint Chocolate Chunk ☆☆☆☆☆ or ★★★★★
Mint Ice Cream With Fudge Chunks
Not only is mint oce cream one of the most overrated and quite frankly, most disgusting flavors ever. They also make it sound so boring that… hold on *putting on his thinking hat* this might actually have been written by my secret twin – it sounds as so boring as the people buying it. If it’s intentional *oh please yes* it’s my new bff. Or, if it’s a girl, my wife to be.
Mint Chocolate Cookie ☆☆☆☆☆
Peppermint Ice cream Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
It upsets me when these experiments leave the Monkey-test-room. Sorry, monkeys.
Mission To Marzipan ★★★★☆
Sweet Cream Ice Cream Almond Cookies & a Marzipan Swirl
It surprised us. Never did we think that a simple and short script like this could tease our taste buds, but it was a pleasant surprise. This is also from a man whose not a huge marzipan fan from the beginning.
Mud Pie ★★☆☆☆
Chocolate & Coffee Liqueur Ice Creams Swirled Together with a Chocolate Cookie Swirl
Sounds all ‘aight, but somehow you feel like being robbed. It’s close to Dublin Mudslide – but not. A sexy name keeps it floating though and the fact that yours truly just finished one is a feather in the hat for it.
Neapolitan Dynamite ★☆☆☆☆
Cherry Garci and Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ice Creams, side by side
How do you rate something you haven’t tasted (but know is grouse) and something you love – that are mixed? Well, you use your flawless conclusion and quietly judge (in written form, of course). Let’s just say we’ll assume it’s not good.
New York Super Fudge Chunk ★★☆☆☆
Chocolate Ice Cream with White & Dark Chocolate Fudge Chunks, Pecans, Walnuts, and Fudge Covered Almonds.
The first B&J ice cream I ever tried. Hats fucking off for it for that. I didn’t like it. Too much. Stuff-overload (which is a blasphemy to say about B&J I know) but this is how it was. I can’t lie now can I. (Rhetorical Q). But I didn’t give up on the brand. Hats fucking off for me for that.
Oatmeal Cookie Chunk ★★★★☆
Sweet Cream Ice Cream with Chunks of Oatmeal Cookies and Fudge.
Reminds us of Cookie Dough, but as it’s stuffed with healthy multigrain we prefer this. A great lean alternative in the freezer is always a safe bet.
Peanut Brittle ★★☆☆☆
Peanut Brittle Ice Cream with Peanut Brittle Pieces and a Caramel Swirl
We’re surprised that we’ve started to like this peanut thing, but don’t be fooled – it is not Chubby Hubby.
Peanut Butter Cup ★☆☆☆☆
Peanut Butter Icea Cream with Peanut Butter Cup
Try as they might – peanut alike – this is not Chubby Hubby either. Don’t fall for it. Not at all.
Phish Food ☆☆☆☆☆
Chocolate Ice Cream with Gooey Marshmallow, Caramel Swirls & Fudge Fish
Dear scriptwriter, a few things are on my mind. First of all, don’t insert “fish – an animal that lives in a dirty ocean, smells like bad pussy and is kinda gross to touch, when I go to buy my ice cream. Secondly, let’s leave the marshmallows in the garbage where it belongs, shall we?
Pistachio Pistachio ★★☆☆☆
Pistachio Ice Cream with Lightly roasted Pistachios
Wow. Who hired a proper Restaurant Menu writer to B&J? sounds fancy and all, but don’t try to confuse me that B&J is a dessert.
Pumpkin Cheesecake ★☆☆☆☆☆
Pumpkin Cheesecake Ice Cream with a Graham Cracker Swirl
Pumpkin? Really? Never really have nderstood the beauty of that (besdies the sheer fact that it looks great carved up and lit from inside. But for ice cream – with cheesecake? It’s like the ugly kid in the office ruining your favorite shirt by simply wearing it.
S’mores ☆☆☆☆☆
Chocolate Ice Cream with Fudge Chunks, Toasted Marshmallow & Graham Cracker Swirl
He was a nice kid, Ben, good – not great – but good future ahead of him. Already a few years at the company, liked by most and with his boss about to retire – definitely in the loop of promotion. Then they gave him his first own assignment and cut to Guantanamo where he has just learned what marshmallow is called in fifty-six different languages.
Snickerdoodle Cookie ★★★☆☆
Buttery Ice Cream Loaded with Snickerdoodle Cookies
A simple, well-trotted and functional concept that works as smooth as an oiled up stripper sliding down a stripper pole. We salute simplicity today and tip our hat, just enough to have it noticed.
Amricone Dream ★★☆☆☆
Vanilla Ice Cream with Fudge Covered Waffle Cone Pieces & a Caramel Swirl
Wordplays make me think of Gothenburg in Sweden and no one likes that place, so I’m having a hard time staying objective here. I’ll get bak on this puppy.
Strawberry Cheesecake ★★★★☆
Strawberry Cheesecake ice Cream with Strawberries & a Thick Graham Cracker Swirl
We have agood, strong healty relationship the two of us. For very (too) long it was this one and Chocolate Fudge Brownie that acted like brother to me. A day without them, and not replaced by alcohol was like a gang rape. But hey – what’s up with this Graham dude? Who is sleeping with him? And does that mean they have women at B&J!?
Triple Caramel Chunk ★★☆☆☆
Caramel Ice Cream with a Swirl of Caramel & Fudge Covered Caramel Chunks
A lot of Caramel you think and put on your pants to go down and buy a package. Well. A lot of disappointment I say with authority and you take ‘em off again and get all comfy with your illegally downloaded full season Boardwalk Empire.
Turtle Soup ★★★☆☆
Vanilla Ice Cream with Fudge & Caramel Cashews & a Caramel Swirl
Well here’s a teamwork that didn’t work. Who do you think got fired? The Title- or Description- Writer? Yeah. Go figure.
Vanilla ☆☆☆☆☆
Smooth Vanilla Ice Cream (made with Fairt Tade Certified vanilla)
Well here’s probably B&J’s most unappreciated work task. Writing this description cannot in any way end up with a raise. Many people get fgired over this on a regular basis.
Vanilla Caramel Fudge ★☆☆☆☆
Vanilla Ice Cream with Swirls of Caramel & Fudge
ZzzZZzzz! *Attention seeking snore* Dang. You’d probably make better one at home with you’re granola crunch and a cheap fudge. No, really you would.
Vanilla Heath Bar Crunch ★☆☆☆☆
Vanilla Ice Cream with chunks of Heath Bar Crunch
Didn’t tickle in your stomach either?
Peach Cobbler ★★☆☆☆
Peach Ice Cream with Cinnamon Sugar Shortbread Pieces & a Peach Swirl
Reluctantly and slightly appalled you’re about to stop reading about this fruit platter to effort after the first ingredient (we love peach, just not as ice cream, thanks) and you realize something. Holy shit, “Holy shit, that Hitler joke, Gervais didn’t do at this years' Golden Globes was fucking funny” and move on with your life.
No comments:
Post a Comment