“Broken bat slow downer on the ground, we’re one down”

Sitting in front of ESPN or some sport channel and watching baseball again. They love baseball here. Show it constantly.
Baseball is pretty fucking weird.
“It does seem they have a little bit different game plan.”
“Makes your fastball much faster. At least it looks much faster.”
“High five-ball centerfield. Two runs out of three in the last seven games. Two-two!”
There’s nothing wrong with the commentators’ enthusiasm about the game, only nothing makes any sense.
“Rounds of third. Coming back to left field. And then back. Too back. Driving that ball to left field. Looks pretty balanced. Three to two! - All over that pitch to batter!”
“The tenth time the Yankees have gone back-to-back this season. That goes flying and Eamon goes hanging.”
“Near the grass on the line and away.”
Now forgive me for comparing with football, they have their fair share of obese players too, but at least the game is not about shooting a penalty kick as hard as you can way beyond the stands and hope no one gets what’s going on.
Or while doing it, your teammate “steals” a goal while you’re preparing to shoot.
You should of course, see the warning signs from distance. Literally. When too many chubby people wear mirrored sport-shaped shades slicked to their steroid faces, it's sports’ way of yelling that absolutely nothing good can ever come from this.
Suddenly the commentator loses it completely when someone hits a homerun and actually talks as to the ball.
“There it goes – wooooho – SEE YA!!”