US Boarder anxiousness

Was pretty sure they would escort me to the interrogation room when I touched ground Monday morning.

“Why would anyone go to Sweden for the weekend if not to renew the visa? Wedding? Yeah right. Come here son.”

Prepared, rehearsed and altered my story so many times I was sure to be convicted for just looking suspicious way before I had opened my mouth. The flight attendant at the check-in counter was even kind enough to prolong my time at her desk so she could worsen the damage on my passport while saying,

“Double-check if my almost torn passport would be approved or not – they can be quite cruel sometimes”.

This they checked twice. Both times helping to tear it apart just to "double-check" its status.

The US boarder. Queue to the desk to be rejected. Hands were sweating. Did everything in my power to look as laid-back as possible and ignore the moist. When it failed and I approached the desk I started wiping my hands off my jacket and forced my lips to form a contrived smile. Which guard would I get? Him? The guy who eats rejected foreigners just to express his superiority.

“Ever been here before?”
why do you ask me this, your computer/files must clearly state I left three days ago and now I’m back but clearly don’t.
Mumbled, “Yes three times, sir” and was about to tell him my story, including the rehearsed laughs when he didn’t say anything. I was home safe. Free.

Then I realized how it was. Felt slightly anxious that this bulldog to guard was more skillful than he appeared to be. Looks deceive.
“This time to Vegas” I blurred out in an attempt to save a situation that was about to run smoother than licking off cream from a woman’s tit.
“Where you staying?”, he asked.
Damn it, didn’t my filled in form state that? No oh, wait he means in Vegas,
“Wynn”, I replied.
“That’s nice”, he said.
“You’ve been – I mean you know it?” I staggered, well knowing that Wynn is he latest luxury hotel in Vegas and only offers suites, better knowing that this toad could impossibly afford it.

First time we made eye contact and I regretted everything I had said for over the last thirty seconds and smiled so it hurt. Brief smile from him back and he returned my passport and seventy rip-off bucks later I was at work again.